i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
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Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
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A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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