...so i touched it.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
