That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
