I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
