My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
