morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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