For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
