I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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