Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
