Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
