It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
