All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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