I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
