I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
