So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
