I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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