There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
they're like a gay fantastic four
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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