My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
