I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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