Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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