You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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