You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
