i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
