break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
