I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
