So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
