Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
