you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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