I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
