you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
