and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
