I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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