My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
