dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
