Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
