Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
