I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You were trust falling into bushes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
