I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
