it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
