I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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