I never want to see another naked old woman again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
