there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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