1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
