One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
