it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
