You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
