drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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