FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
