Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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