I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
