i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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