he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
