Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
