I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
