So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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