Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
