Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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