I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
