Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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