I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
