we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
