dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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