tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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