the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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