Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
