Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i came on her dog
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
