The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
