she smelled like a LAN party
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
