Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i believe in u and ur pee
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
