My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i think i have two assholes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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