I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
