sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
