Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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