You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
