I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
they're like a gay fantastic four
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
