btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
