dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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