oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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