Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
