We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
