he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
