his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
