Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
