sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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