I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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