all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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