I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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